Late for the Sky

Takin Care of Bizness

Two commercials I don't get:
The first one is actually a whole series of commercials that are really annoying, mostly because they are, um, stupid. Southwest Airlines, a good company with a nice sense of humor, has these commercials about an employee getting ahead and suspected of using "productivity enhancers." I don't hate it because it tries to be a whacky satire of steroid and HGH abuse in baseball. I hate it because the guy's secret is Southwest Airlines and he never actually flies anywhere or even talks about flying. What the hell does Southewest have to do with his productivity. It's never explained.
In a similar fashion, Dunkin Donuts now claims to be what America runs on. There's a bunch of people who like "doing things". If you watch the commercial, you'll notice that eating donuts is not one of the things they do. Donuts are implied but they are not featured. Neverthe less, I like this comercial. I like it because the song is upbeat and fun... okay, I really like it because just the suggestion of donuts makes me happy.
I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to get more productive flying around eating donuts.

A Chicken In Every Plot

This was found by Vance, a commentor on Radosh.

January 25, 2008: the prediction.

January 28, 2008: The reality.
:-)

Variations on a Theme

(UPDATED 1/27) Everyone is familiar with the inappropriate songs played at weddings, such as the stalker song, “I’ll Be Watching You.” I submit that Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight” should be on the list: “We go a party, And everyone turns to see, This beautiful lady, That's walking around with me…………Its time to go home now, And Ive got an aching head, So I give her the car keys, She helps me to bed”. Sure, any guy would love an arm-candy, live-in, designated driver sleeping in his bed, but the guy doesn’t say that OUT LOUD. Clapton actually put it in a song! And people play this as a tribute to a bride!
In a similar way, political candidates choose theme songs based on the title and forget to review the lyrics. This article points out some excellent examples.

John McCain recently dispensed with the classic, Chuck Berry tune, “Johnny B Goode” in favor of Abba’s “Take a Chance on Me.” I don’t object to this because he switched from a rocking song by a real American to a lame disco song by some unisex Swedes. And the new song is fairly appropriate for McCain, being about somebody who is rejected once, asking for a do over, and the lyrics, “Gonna do my very best and it ain’t no lie If you put me to the test, if you let me try” fit his message. What’s wrong about this lyric is that John McCain has gone from Johnny B Goode who overcomes humble beginnings, achieving self-made success, to being John Cusack standing outside your house with a boombox over his head, willing to "Say Anything" to get a date your vote.
Somebody asking you to “Take a Chance on Me” is a pitiable loser. It doesn’t have to be that way. Dirty Harry asks a similar question in a more assertive manner: “I know what you're thinking. ‘Did he fire six shots or only five?’ Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?” Mr. Harry is asking “Do you want to take a chance on me” in a very testosterone-fueled, active way. However, he’s suggesting there may be very drastic, negative consequences if you do, which is not McCain’s intended message (I assume), so he's better off with old Johnny B
McCain is not the only politician these days with a soft message. Barack Obama uses “Higher and Higher” which says nothing about what he will do for you but is about what your love does for him, which seems like the negative flip side of JFK’s message. Speaking of which, Obama talks about giving America “hope”. John Kennedy’s theme song was “High Hopes” back in 1960. Martin Luther King had a dream back in the 60’s. We no longer have time to take a chance on hopes and dreams. We need someone to wake up and give us some results, not hope. Hope is the thing with feathers. Things with feathers, can't be held, they fly away, like birds. By offering “hope”, Obama is giving us the bird! Maybe “Free Bird” would be a good campaign song.
Hillary Clinton has taken to saying, "Some believe you can get change by hoping for it. I believe you get change by working hard.” I've noticed that Obama has recently spoken less about hope and more about change. Here's a good song for one of them about change, with a message for the Bush Republicans: "Ch-ch-changes, Wheres your shame? Youve left us up to our necks in it." But change just for change's sake is not enough. As Billy Joel has said at many weddings, "Don't go changin', to try and please me. Won't change the color of my state.... I Love you just the way you are. Now drive me home and put me to bed."

Devil in a Blue Dress

Jesus in a potato. Nothing amuses me more than the appearance of Jesus in food, unless it is his appearance in a dog's hind end. Why would Jesus appear inside a potato? Pastor Renee Brewster explains: "I was hesitant about making the potato salad because Sister Frankie makes the potato salad at church and I said lord if it’s not for me to make potato salad then send me a sign.” So God sent an image of Jesus being crucified - what does that mean? "Thou shouldst sacrifice thine time and make the damned potato salad"? OR "If thou makest the potato salad, people will die"?
I don't think there is a message. I'm not convinced that is Jesus. I think it is either The Genius of the Waters, atop Tyler Davidson Fountain in Cincinnati, or it is a woman in a gold, lame' dress with either a ruffled top or a feather boa or shawl (similar to this). If it is the lady in the gown, perhaps the message is "add dressing to the potato salad".

Dancing Cheek to Cheek

Yemen, I’m in Yemen
Or some other country in the Middle East
I just get so giddy, I sometimes mis-speak
When we’re out together dancing cheek to sheik

Mecca, I’m in Mecca
Where my mission to spread our democracy
Seems to vanish like Iraq’s dub-ya em dees
When I’m sucking up and dancing cheek to sheik

Oh I love to spend our war bucks
‘Til our financial future’s bleak
But it doesn’t boost my image up
Like dancing cheek to sheik

Oh I love to veto S-CHIP
For the children and the weak
But it doesn’t give me photo-ops
Like dancing cheek to sheik

Dance with me
I want more oil from you
Oh, boy, I’ll tell you
That kicks my appro – val up to seven!

After seven
Years in office I am finally seeking peace
In Isreal and in the Arab clique
With my diplomatic dancing cheek to sheik

photo from here via here
I apologize for the loose rhyming.

Rectum? Hell, It damn near kilt 'im!

"Forced Rectal Exam Stirs Ethics Questions". I certainly have no intention of laughing at this poor man behind his behind, butt, there seems to be something missing here: a large hole in the plot, if you will.
The hospital says that the rectal exam was necessary to "determine whether (Mr. Persaud) had a spinal-cord injury." Mr. Persaud was not persuaded. So, he was held down as he resisted their advances. The lawsuit seems to address only the ethical question of adding insult to injury by forcing the rectal exam. They haven't put their finger on the real problem. More than an ethics question, it would seem a medical question as to whether restraining a struggling man, whom you suspect might have a spinal injury, is advisable. Seems you might, in fact, add injury to injury.
I'm glad that, with respect to his spine, everything came out okay in the end.

Put another Candle On Your Birthday Cake

We'll have some pie and sandwiches
and chocolate ice cream too
We'll sing and play the day away
and one more thing you're going to do
You'll blow out the candles on your birthday cake
and when you do, a wish you'll make
Put another candle on your birthday cake
You're another year old today

My wife never got to watch Sheriff John, but she is another year old today.
Happy Birthday Karen

Through the Looking Glass

Must be a slow news day in Albany. Maybe New York is trying to pull media attention off their Senator, Mrs. Clinton, in any way they can think of. Today's top story in Albany is "Steroids beyond sports: Celebrities now among those linked to drug shipments." Mary J. Blige, 50 Cent, Timbaland and Wyclef Jean may have used steroids. This is news?? Music artists using drugs? Say it ain't so! If they were, with a name like "Mary J", is steroids the drug of choice? And, seriously, "performance enhancing" drugs? How does that work? I see how they might help Barry Bonds belt one out of the park, but how do they help Mary J belt out a song? What if they did use steroids or HGH? Shall we strip them of all their Gra?mys? Put an asterisk by their list of gold or platinum records? The other story I imagined I saw was that Paris Hilton is being honored by Harvard, so I know it must be my drugs that are causing my confusion.

Fashion and Football

Last Wednesday night at just after 11 pm, as we were about to go to bed, the phone rang. Caller ID showed it was our daughter, so I was worried, because a call late at night is never good news. Okay, I know that, even though Allie is still in Ohio, we live in different biological time zones: 11 pm is late night to me and like afternoon to her. Anyway, I picked up the phone prepared for bad news and, indeed, she was clearly upset.
“Did you guys watch Project Runway?”
“Yes.” (The show had just ended).
“Are you as upset as we are about the judging?” (She and her suitemates watched together.)
“Uh…we weren’t that upset…”
"I was even more upset than after the football game,” she said. (When Ohio State lost to LSU in the BCS Championship Monday.)
The Project Runway competition Wednesday involved each of the designers making a prom dress for an actual high school girl. Allie explained that the judges were horribly behind the times when it comes to contemporary prom dresses. I was equally unaware that satin is out and high fashion is in for the prom. And, while my ignorance reassures Allie that I have not gotten any smarter while she’s been away, it does not make me as stupid as Michael Kors, who’s job it is to know fashion. And I WAS able to talk intelligently with Allie about the pros and cons of the different dresses and designers. We had a good 10-minute conversation about Project Runway. I had as much to say about Project Runway as I would have about the football game if she'd called me Monday night.
The question is, how do I keep that from my guy friends?

I'm Getting Better!

Everest conqueror Hillary dies at 88. Hillary dead? I won't believe it until they vote in South Carolina.

If I Could Read Your Mind

I finally had something to write about the other day and my sister beat me to it. But I'll add a comment here. The funny thing is that, after the election, the pun-ditzes that predicted Hillary's demise start asking how she was resurrected. BECAUSE SHE NEVER ACTUALLY WAS LOSING. Their problem is that they believe their own reports.
One of the pun-ditz said that the polls were wrong because so many people made up their minds on the last day. What that means is the pollsters assumed what the undecided people were going to decide. Otherwise they would have had to say that these polls have a margin of error bigger than New Hampshire. And maybe the pollsters did say that and the pun-ditzes ignored them.
I bet those undecideds actually were decided but didn't want to tell the pollsters. I also bet some people who said who they were going to vote for actually lied. I hope people lied. I think that 95% of people, especially in New Hampshire, hate pollsters and don't want their vote predicted, so that the voting actually matters.
These are the types of things that 24-hour news stations fill up 24 hours with:
Hillary is behind Barack in the polls, what does that mean for her campaign?
(NOTHING - it's just a poll)
Hillary cried. Will that make people vote for or against her?
(Neither - I wish - people should vote based on issues, but many are influenced by seeing Hillary cry over and over and being told it has to mean SOMETHING).
Obama's "win" in Iowa proves that America wants change.
(No, it proves that more Iowans voted for Obama than for Hillary or others. And 60% voted for not Obama, so wouldn't that mean that the majority DON'T want change?)
Listening to these news pun-ditzes would lead you to believe that if Hillary had gotten 34% and Obama 39% in NH that Hillary's campaign was over, even though it's a couple thousand votes in almost the smallest state in the union.
The way we elect a President is wrong. What we should do, instead of casting a vote, is fill out a survey - a survey like you would fill out on Match.com or one of thoise things. It would be hundreds of questions designed to find out how each of us really feels about economics, foreign policy etc. The politicians would each fill one out and the candidate who matched up with the most people in the country would be President. And the majority of us would love him or her.