Late for the Sky

Pyramid Scheme

Seen at right: the original food pyramid introduced in the 1800's was designed to reflect that failure to eat from the basic food groups might lead to severe malnutrition. This concept is considered too simplistic by today's standards and ineffective due to lack of "pretty colors".

The US Department of Agriculture announced today that new excavation has uncovered the true food pyramid. Researchers have long theorized about the existence of the pyramid, while fortune hunters speculated about where it might be found, if it did exist. The Ag. Dept. several years ago concluded that the true pyramid was a mere legend and they presented the world with a manufactured food pyramid devised by a committee of bureaucrats, claiming that it was the real thing. That primitive attempt at deception fooled only children visiting the Kidskonnect web site. An unnamed source has told this blog that a map to the actual true food pyramid was recently found hidden on the back of a box of Grape Nuts by an unemployed former character from a Dan Brown novel. According to the source, the Ag. Dept. bought off the character and is now claiming that they are responsible for the discovery. In any event, many experts believe that this is the ultimate food pyrimid which will lead us out of the valley of obesity and malnutrition and up to the pinnacle of health and well being. Not everyone is convinced. Professor O. Leo Spred of the Dolly Madison Institute says it appears that the Department of Agriculture has "merely turned the pyramid strata on their sides, borrowed surplus colors from Homeland Security and tacked a bad sketch on the side." He adds that the true pyramid would be simple in design and not require a separate web page to explain it. The Department stands by its claim that the new depiction is the one and only true pyramid. Spred advises that we take this claim with a grain of salt and two servings of fruits and vegetables.