Seven years ago today my mom died. She had suffered from Alzheimer's for several years and therefore death was truly a release from a pale reflection of her life. By the time she died, the woman I knew as my mom no longer had a grasp on reality and didn't resemble the woman who raised me. At the end, she didn't know her grandchildren and she didn't have any memory of her accomplishments in life. Though I was devastated when I received the call about her death, I knew in my heart that Mom had left us long before her body gave out. Time has muted my sadness but I still think about her all the time and I miss her every day of my life. She was a wonderful mom.
Lots of things remind me of my mom. One of them is cherry pie. She made great cherry pies. At least that's the way I remember it. Her pie was unlike any other pie I've ever had. There wasn't really any syrup. The pie filling was more firm than traditional pie filling. I realize now she used canned sour cherries and added sugar and cornstarch. She added so much cornstarch that a gel was formed. And I loved it. I have no idea if I would still love it. Sometimes the things we ate as a child don't hold their attraction later in life. I googled "cherry pie cornstarch" (bless the internets) and found a recipe made with canned cherries and cornstarch. I think the recipe probably doesn't have as much cornstarch as my mom added but I'm going to try it once and then try again with more cornstarch. I'll keep adding cornstarch until I get the consistency my mom used to get. Then I'll let you know if it's good.
And speaking of cherry pie, another thing that reminds me of my mom is the song Billy Boy. Probably most of you have never heard this song. The music on this link are a little more jazzy than the way I remember it but I can still sing along. I think we had a set of funny lyrics to the song also. Probably written by my brother who got much of his sense of humor from our mom.
I love you Mom. You live in my memories.
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!
-Mary Frye (1932)
I don't really think John was writing funny lyrics at that time (not that he couldn't have) so I'm still searching for the silly billy lyrics.
Posted by: susan at September 21, 2005 07:28 AMWe've documented before how we always make Mom's mince meat/raisin/apple pie. I'll be making one for Allie's birthday (we can only hope that she will pass on the tradition because Debra will not). The tradition, mince pie for holidays, is probably why we continued to make that one. the cherry pie was a sometimes thing and I never thought of trying to make it Mom's way. I'm going to do it too. So you can say "Johnny's copying me" "Am not" "Are too!" .... and so on.
Hi Mom!!
ALZ is so tough. Not as tough on the patient as it is on the family. The ALZ assoication has great support group meetings you could attend, just to talk about mom even though it's been 7 years. Just something to think about.
Posted by: Lisa at September 21, 2005 08:29 PMThat poem is lovely. Your mom would have really liked it. I miss her, too. It's been such a long time.
Posted by: Karen at September 23, 2005 06:01 AM